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Saturday, February 09, 2008

A Post-Apocalyptic Vision: Carnival in April...

Just before Carnival, some of the self-proclaimed stakeholders and interest groups raised the idea of moving the festival permanently to the first week in April. Having gotten past initial consternation, it is time to plant tongue firmly in cheek...
Nationally, productivity will crawl to a halt for nine months of the year as people fete from Vincey Mas in June through Cropover and then party right on to the first week in April. God help the Government then to find alternatives to oil and gas revenue.

The commercial banks' retail debt portfolios will overflow, and they would all near crash in two years when people begin to default on their unsecured five-figure Carnival loans.

Sissons will beg Bmobile to change their colour in the second year because they won't be able to produce that much green paint two years in a row.

Foreign exchange flight will more than double. With all costume production by then exported to China, Taiwan and the Philippines, event coordinators will further not be able to find any locals willing to work for Carnival at all. Foreign nationals will be hired cheaply to perform such mundane tasks as, say, tend bar. These will be assisted by a single local interpreter or will be guided by a picture-based food and drink menu.

Further to the above, some one of the 12 common Chinese dialiects will slowly become the second language of Trinidad and Tobago.

April Carnival will see the introduction of a three-day all-inclusive held at a remote location somewhere in the Central Range accessible only by helicopter. (If anybody picks this up, I would like to be credited for the idea. Two complimentaries annually will suffice.)

On a more positive note, Samaroo's will become a multinational corporation with shares traded on the New York Stock Exchange. They will provide valuable consulting services to foreign firms on raw material sourcing for costume production.

Soca tunes having a shelf life of three to four weeks and many artists having the wherewithal to produce only one good track for the season, Carnival will become a festival supplied musically by dancehall and reggaeton.

Machel will become a god that even the Soca Mafia will be powerless to stop. There will be no event held without his presence and none will be successful without his blessing, that is unless someone snatches him up before Christmas and does not release him until Ash Wednesday afternoon so that he can see for himself that Carnival will not die without him. A panel van or Police Black Maria will be required however as his head is now too big to fit in the trunk of a B14.

With artists pulling out of the competition annually either because of results-based grouses or retirement declarations, Pelf will finally win himself a Soca Monarch title.

The artist who remains unnamed will annually stab up deejays' cars to try to get airplay for his less-than-stellar songs.
Of course, there may be well thought out and reasoned arguments for moving the festival, and I'm willing to hear them. It's also hoped that people don't discount this idea out of hand and that they themselves come forward to present reasonable and reasoned arguments against the move. After all, an argument with no counter argument tends more often than not to win.

So we wait and we will see...

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